A lesbian and a non-binary bisexual in love: On vocabulary and queer solidarity

Alex is a cis lesbian, blogger, poet, singer and Archer’s own web publisher. Amelia is a trans non-binary bisexual person, creator, dreamboat and theatremaker extraordinaire.

Here, Alex writes about her individual sexuality journey with ideas from Amelia, and so they discuss how their own particular identities intertwine to create an enjoying residence filled with queer goodness.

As a child queer, I arrived gradually, clinging to scraps of heteronormativity and conditional acceptance. We dipped my personal toes to the queer drinking water – not even daring to create swells.

I know myself now as a lesbian, however my companion is not a woman. Funny just how that really works, huh?

Inside odd, great, seemingly contrary room, i have become more comfortable and self-confident than ever.  As an advantage, i will notice the impending TERF rage coming my personal way, which feeds my queer, defiant heart. Yum yum!

Image: Amelia (left) and Alex (right). Pic by Jessica Craig-Piper


came out as bisexual over about ten years ago. As a constantly single, very bashful and awkward person, this most likely don’t imply much to anyone. We-all understood that I becamen’t magically likely to become a suave, gorgeous d8r boi (or a sk8r boi, despite my personal huge childhood crush on Avril Lavigne).

We pointed out that people’s primary takeaway of my personal sexuality was actually a sense of reduction that men remained a choice. I internalised how much value was put on this ‘heterosexual’ attraction, therefore I willed me feeling it – and were not successful stupendously.

I didn’t have many honestly queer buddies currently, but the people Used to do have had been all bisexual. I became weighed down by my personal queer destination – during the most useful and worst ways – as I looked for my personal set in the world.

Obviously, I fell deeply in love with the bisexual community – how will you not?! – and I put countless stress on myself to fit in with it.


ix many years later on, we found Amelia at a bi-centred crafting occasion. They certainly were cool, lovable and kind – and with pride bisexual.

Because they remember: “As soon as we came across, you defined as bi and I defined as a female, which appears absurd now! We became real buddies and that I didn’t come with concept exactly how hard I would personally be seduced by you.”

On that day, Amelia and I also made bi and pan themed Hama Bead ornaments being nonetheless rattling around inside the bottom of my personal backpack (i’ve severe executive purpose issues). We subsequently started happening team excursions with fellow queers, contacting our selves The Queer Sparkly Pals.

Bisexual satisfaction turned into element of the private origin tale and the record. Amelia and that I would not have satisfied if this just weren’t for this humble little Midsumma crafternoon, thanks to the bi-focused radio tv series

Triple Bi Pass


Of most situations, this probably caused it to be the most difficult to depart bisexuality behind. I happened to be torn between my identification and my community associations.

But eventually, i really couldn’t deny it: I became (and am) a lesbian.


rom having slept with males – albeit just a small number of occasions – I done the analysis to confidently state it’s not personally.

Misogyny caught me when you look at the belief that possibly I’m not expected to take pleasure in gender, or that my failure to obtain any satisfaction from it was actually my own personal shortcoming (excuse the cummy pun!). This intercourse felt abnormal or painful, and I also still encounter impotence because these unwanted encounters – and owing to proper rush of traumatization.

I’ve never ever had a proper commitment with a guy, I never ever liked their romantic pursuit of myself, and I also’ve never considered acquainted with all of them.

By comparison, Amelia gets the capacity for enriching relationships with males, in addition to their interest to men feels exactly the same off their interest to individuals of some other sexes. Amelia remains wonderfully bisexual.

“whenever internet dating males in senior high school, some interactions felt wrong, while others felt inexplicably correct,” my personal hunky honey explains. “Now once I think of getting keen on men, i do believe about running my arms over a guy’s beard and scratching their chin. If it isn’t really interest, I don’t know understanding!”


are unable to joyfully see an intimate or sexual life with guys, but my lesbianism is foremost about me and who I


drawn to, perhaps not my diminished heterosexual interest.

My personal lesbianism is far more than a lack of guys, or something I’m detected getting ‘missing’. Additionally, it is – demonstrably – above an exclusive destination to ladies.

With Amelia, I feel nurtured inside my body, head and nature. There is nothing missing out on; this really love is actually complete and total.


hen I sooner or later acknowledged my lesbianism, I stressed that I would deceived my personal ties because of the bisexual community. But it also thought



The definition of bisexuality varies from one person to another, but i could state beyond doubt what it is perhaps not.

Bisexuality isn’t an anxious quote to keep the heteronormative solutions available, regardless of if they generate you unhappy. It is not begrudgingly attempting to withstand men’s improvements, questioning exactly why it doesn’t feel good. Bisexuality is not required; it really is freeing.

On expression, my personal identification with bisexuality was never ever a real fit.

I labeled as me bisexual considering having slept with several men and women – even though previous sexual habits do not fundamentally equal your sex. Everyone can have bi-curious dalliances to explore their own sex; from my own, I just learnt that I found myself basic ol’ gay.

From remaining to right: Amelia, Big Bertha, Alex.


‘ve untangled most

mandatory heterosexuality

throughout this quest. I found myself initially reluctant to release the “bisexual” mark, which in fact had become a trusty outdated pal, a comfort object like certainly my personal many

For a time, I felt that bisexuality and pansexuality had been the ‘best’ or ‘most comprehensive’ sexualities for, that was undoubtedly based in internalised homophobia and a want to appear available and nonjudgemental.

But there is absolutely nothing judgemental about lesbian destination, or experiencing attraction such that’s impacted by gender.

A ‘hearts maybe not parts’ mindset – and that is what I implemented in my own childhood – is actually more judgemental inside implication that gay and lesbian orientations depend on ‘parts’, or that other individuals cannot care similarly about minds as well.

We hardly ever encounter bodily appeal, when I do, it isn’t really about genitals, because, naturally, somebody’s genitals don’t inform their unique gender! Gender and self-expression are elements within my appeal, and it also required quite a while to just accept that this doesn’t generate myself closed-minded. It simply tends to make me gay.



Operate in Progress,

the protagonist Abby phone calls herself a “queer dyke”. This resonates with me – portraying a lesbian with space for several forms of queer relationships beyond only ladies loving women, beyond cis-normativity.

I love the term “dyke”, but i am in addition attempting to actively state “lesbian” – a label that doesn’t get sufficient love or pleasure. Alternatively, it gets bogged all the way down by discourse, or utilized as a tool of gatekeeping and transmisogyny. This makes it more important to utilize “lesbian” in positive sinlges, comprehensive contexts.

The “gay” label isn’t treated as limiting and antiquated, thus neither should the “lesbian” label.


oving Amelia does not generate me personally a reduced amount of a lesbian, nor will it make them less non-binary. Maybe it just means we are both renegades! Love alone transcends binaries – unless it is a love between robots sexting in digital rule.

Love isn’t experienced in discrete black-and-white categories, however in complete color – our very own most magically real human minutes.

“My personal gender identity is actually robust and is alson’t invalidated by your sexuality,” claims my huggy keep. “My gender is actually an individual, internal space of self-understanding it doesn’t match all of our tradition and goes misunderstood by most people.”


improvement in my label does not think about anyone besides me.

It really is unfortunate so it has to be stated, but

stories like my own

you should not indicate that bisexuality is a stage, a stepping stone to being gay, or long lasting naysayers tend to be naysayin’.

We’ll always fight when it comes down to validity and quality of my bisexual kin.

We are all inside collectively

, once we being ever since the start of queer liberties movement.

From the same token, we cannot commemorate lesbianism without uplifting trans and non-binary lesbians, whom make up a large – and great – part of the lesbian area, as well as very first Nations lesbians and lesbians of color, butch lesbians, lesbians with handicaps (shoutout to my man autistic lesbians!), and so many more.


want all of us to recover lesbianism from the clammy arms of TERFs.

As my trans heartthrob tells me: “TERFs lack area for your difficulties and nuances of men and women. TERF ideology is dependant on anxiety, pain together with aspire to ‘other’. And I also have no fascination with determining myself by other’s pain.”

Getting a lesbian isn’t really about vaginas, femininity, ‘gold performers’ or exclusion.

My lesbianism is inclusive; it honors sex variety up to it celebrates ladies; it celebrates different expressions of sapphic love and destination; it remembers companionship and a provided record with queer people of all sexes. It honors its own queerness.


y attraction to Amelia is actually queer, as theirs would be to me: discover sapphic aspects to the commitment, discover a playful stability of male, feminine, androgynous and pure chaotic efforts.

The love goes wrong with intersect perfectly, whatever the particulars of one’s men and women and sexualities.

“brands establish eventually and security,” my personal stunning partner and co-pet-parent reflects. “Non-binary is best descriptor for me personally, and lesbian is the better descriptor for your needs. In which those tags tend to be relatively incongruous is where the difficult, loving relationship life.

“generating area for several components of one another could be the act of adoring someone. I am aware you like me personally, and that is the things I value.”


utside of our own residence, we’re seen erroneously as a lesbian pair. While this does not mirror the complexities your identities, it can form how exactly we experience the globe.

By our selves, we have been merely two different people in love, undertaking DIY projects (Amelia), making collages of old porno mags (Alex) and

imitating absurd voices for our pets (both).

We navigate the challenges to be a visibly queer few in the world, and we honour the subtleties of our own private identities, regardless if these are typicallyn’t affirmed by culture in particular – whenever a waiter calls us “ladies”, when my outreach employee thinks “partner” equals “boyfriend”, and sometimes even once the queer society assumes “lesbian” means “women just”.

My lover says it best: “the audience is more than the sum of our brands. As it pertains as a result of the straightforward acts of warm being cherished, if you possibly could believe it is, handle it and nourish it, subsequently which cares exactly what anyone else phone calls us?”

Alex Creece is a writer, poet, collage singer and average kook residing on Wadawurrung area. Alex works since the on line Editor for Archer Magazine and the manufacturing Editor for Cordite Poetry Assessment. She’s additionally in the editorial committee for Sunder Journal.

Alex had been given a Write-ability Fellowship in 2019 and a Wheeler Centre Hot table Fellowship in 2020. An example of Alex’s work had been very Commended within the 2019 After that section design, and she ended up being shortlisted when it comes to 2021 Kat Muscat Fellowship. In 2022, Alex was shortlisted for the inaugural delivered Writers Award while the Lord Mayor’s imaginative creating Award.

Amelia Newman (they/them) is actually an author, theatre manufacturer and musician created in Narrm/Melboune. Amelia worked thoroughly with Riot level Youth Theatre and they have had their work presented at Los Angeles Mama Theatre, Melbourne Fringe Festival, Northcote community Hall, Arts home and Siteworks.

Amelia’s introduction play ‘Younger and Smaller’ is released with Australian performs change features been made by schools across the country. Amelia is actually passionate about LGBTIQ+ tales and characters. Their unique work features a keen pay attention to psychological state representation and destigmatisation. They truly are situated in Djilang/Geelong and work across Narrm/Melbourne.